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The Cynical Romantic

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(no subject) [Apr. 14th, 2015|04:53 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
LinkI do believe in fairies

Crying log [Apr. 3rd, 2015|04:38 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
Wednesday, April 1: 9:10 am or so, immediately after leaving Flour and had no one to angry-rant at for five seconds. Had been running on pure unadulterated anger for at least a week; largely on anger for about 3. Later that morning, had nice Facebook messages when checked Facebook at T station, began crying on train.
Thursday, April 2: 3:30 pm-ish, at the gym, sad song came on the iPod, had to leave weight room.
Wednesday, April 3: 4:00 pm. Nice email from former coworker.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Tarot reading, 3/6/15 [Mar. 7th, 2015|02:00 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
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I did this reading last night, although I didn't type it up because I didn't feel like going online--just took a photo and some notes. It's a Celtic Cross done with my old Vampire deck, because it's my most familiar.



I didn't so much ask a question as think on all the badness at work lately--the stress, the dumb office politics that I wasn't really aware of and have no idea how to navigate, the feelings of frustration and impotence and being set up to fail, embarrassment, the terror of possibly losing my job, the feeling stupid that I'm not doing as well as I know I could or should be doing, helplessness at feeling like my attempts to improve are being stymied and resentment of the inkling of an idea that it' on purpose, hopelessness at the feeling that the only person whose opinion of my performance really counts doesn't really want me to succeed. Feeling like a failure from the constant job-hopping, stressed out from insecurity, afraid that if I screw up again I will be basically unemployable. I didn't have the courage to straight-up ask the cards if I'm going to keep my job or not, and they didn't tell me.

The first thing that's odd about this reading as a whole is that it doesn't contain a single Pentacle card, which is the suit related to issues of career and finance and all that practical keeping-a-roof-over-your-head stuff. On the other hand, there are three Knights--the Knight of every suit except Pentacles--which, in my old court card system, usually represented a person concerned with those sorts of matters, although in this reading I can't really tell if they are actually supposed to represent people or just matters of more import than the regular suit cards. Wands, swords, and cups are all here, with swords somewhat overrepresented--not usually a great sign.

The cover card is the Ace of Cups, the root of the suit of water, which refers to matters emotional and intuitive. I thought this was definitely strange, but it seems into indicate that this reading may be how I feel about things rather than what's happening externally. Or it could be about what's happening externally but mostly about how everyone's feelings are running rather than the concrete facts of what's happening. Which is a little terrifying, as that's precisely what I'm afraid I'm up against. Like, I know I have to step up my performance, but all the weird shit that's been happening makes me afraid that that's not the whole issue and I'm mostly up against my boss' dislike of me, which may be a lot harder to fix even if I do manage to learn everything I need to learn in the next few weeks. Weirdly, my little book tells me that the Ace of Cups, "The Stirring of the Heart," represents "New love," and can represent "Emotional Renewal," "Friendship. Kindness. Peace," and "Partnership. A positive work relationship." As a situation card, it represents "a new beginning in your emotional life" and "You are about to be blessed with love and happiness." So... that seems a bit out there. Although I perhaps it means the substance of the question is whether I can somehow forge new good working relationships where I need them.

The crossing card is the Knight of Swords, in my old system someone who concerns themselves with material matters and approaches them from an intellectualized, abstract, or cerebral place. My little book calls the Knight of Swords "Rapid Coming and Goings," which is just mean, all things considered. He represents "Fortrightness. Sudden changes," and the key words are things like "An important event related to a matter of intellect or conflict." As a situation card, it's giving me "You may enter a conflictual situation with frenzy and excitement, only to have it pass quickly and chaotically out of you life," which does not say anything about the manner of its passing and is therefore giving me a stomachache. It also says that "Swords often herald a period of struggle or competition in which you need to take quick and firm action," which I do. Its advice seems sound if easier said than done: "Now is a time to follow your head rather than our heart. Be strong and decisive, and approach situations with a steel-trap mind. Sound professional advice can spell the difference between success and failure." As a modifier to the previous card, it seems to be saying that the challenge to all the emotional stuff is either just being in a period of strife or perhaps, more specifically, the need to keep my head on and do everything I need to do perfectly correctly. As a person, the Knight of Swords can mean "Someone who involves you in a conflict," "Those who are bright and successful in business but also somewhat ruthless or selfish in pursuing their goals," "One who gets what he or she wants," and "A professional advisor," among other things. So that's the "crossing" card. As a microcross I think it's got a lot of possible things going on, all of them big and exhausting.

The third card, the "beneath" card, shows "where the question comes from... the roots or foundations of the current situation" and is the Page of Swords, "Quick Thinking," who represents "Decisiveness. Unexpected or upsetting news." Key words that jumped out at me included "Constructive criticism," "Defensiveness. Delayed plans," and "Professional advice." In my old system this card represents someone focused on ambitious matters or personal passions and who considered them from an abstract or logic-oriented approach. As a situation, which I think is most likely for this reading, it can mean that "You may find yourself in a situation where discretion, quick analysis, and decisiveness are of the essence" and advises to "Know what you are committing yourself to and what the future ramifications of your current decisions are." Negative readings include "Upsetting news may be on the way" and "you may find yourself in a situation where gossip or rumors play a significant role."

The fourth card, the "behind" card, is the Knight of Wands--earth of fire, in my old system, someone concerned with earthly matters and coming at the with a lot of drive and passion. This is the "passing out of influence" card, which worries me, because this card is in my little book as "Escape from Difficulty." It would be a great future card, but it's a bit ominous in this place in the reading--it seems to imply that the period of having escaped difficulty is drawing to an end. The card also reads "Change is in the air. Creative energy," which basically leaves me guessing at what kind of change will be no longer changing. And I don't feel like I've had much creative energy of late, anyway. Some key words that jumped out at me include "Not wanting to settle down" and "Change of environment," which seem to indicate that the change of environment has already happened and will not be changing again in the present or near future? I don't know what to make of this card, really. As a situation card it again seems to be very future-oriented, which makes it a bit odd in this spot in the reading: "Change is in the air... You may be about to move or embark on a creative project or long journey, possibly related to business. You are entering or leaving a significant situation... Perhaps you are changing jobs or residences." That already happened; does being in the "passing out of influence" stage mean that the events themselves will revert or that the period of change is over?

The fifth card, the crown card, shows potential--opportunities, possibilities, goals. In this reading it is the Nine of Wands, "Strength in Reserve." (So far so good.) Representing "Stand Your Ground. Defense," this card apparently "suggests a need to stand up for yourself" and possibly to "defend your reputation or a decision you have made," and assures the querent that "Although the situation looks demanding, you are on firm ground. Once you overcome this final challenge, you are on the way to success, so don't give up." So apparently it is possible for me to overcome this mess, which is good, although actually doing it may be another matter. The card tells me "You have the strength in reserve to tackle any problem... Your position is strong, and you have the courage and determination to achieve your goals when the time is right."

The sixth card, the "before" card, is the Knight of Cups. In my old system, he represents someone concerned with material matters (as all the Knights do) and in this case, who approaches them from an emotional and intuitive standpoint. In my book, this card is titled "New Relationships" and represents "Romance. Artistic talent," which ties in with the Ace of Cups at the very beginning but otherwise seems a bit out of left field. Key words include "An important event related to relationships and emotional concerns," so that's possibly ominous. As a situation card, it predicts "Someone may present you with an offer that is hard to resist" and "An invitation or an opportunity for a new relationship may be in the near future." It warns to be sure of my own feelings "to avoid being easily led by others" and says that "Your greatest assets at this time are your gentleness, sensitivity, and idealism." For people, it may represent "Idealists. Dreamers. Champions of the underdog" or "A passive person who is easily influenced by others."

As a cross, it all seems a bit of a jumble, but one thing is certain: there are a lot of powerful cards here, and I have my work cut out for me. The three Knights seem to indicate that there is a focus on "earth" matters, but it seems like all the real action is going to take place in other realms--my ability to keep my emotions in check and bring my intellect fully to bear on the situation; other people's feelings and goals and perceptions; if I can somehow manage or influence those perceptions. But there seems to be an indication that I can do it.

Moving from the cross to the pillar, here's the first thing that really jumped out at me when I was laying down the cards: the seventh card, the "Self" card, is Major Arcana 13, Death, in its upright position representing "Major transformation." In my sense of self? That's a little terrifying! The very first key word is "Necessary and profound change," followed by "Liberation." So... thanks, but probably a fair cop, and I hope whatever profound changes I am going through are indeed liberation, although I actually feel more like I am being stuck in myself. When the card represents people, it can mean "Those undergoing major life changes" or "Agents of change," so... I really don't know. As a situation card, it can mean "A major change is about to take place" (which sounds external) or "Transformation is imminent" (which sounds internal, and therefore probably makes more sense for this place in the reading. The card doesn't predict if they're good or bad changes, but it advises, "Now is a time to rid yourself of attitudes and situations you have outgrown to pave the way for a new stage in life... All that is useless or outmoded must be discarded... You must let go of old unproductive ways." This seems relatively in keeping with other advice throughout the reading, especially in being nerve-racking.

The eighth card, the "house" card, is Major Arcana 10, "The Wheel of Fortune," representing "A change for the better." The house card represents the current state of "your environment and those around you," which I desperately hope does not mean "are making a great change by getting rid of me." One possible reading of this is that it "reveals how outside influences and environmental factors... might affect the outcome" so hopefully that means they will help me out. At any rate, the Wheel of Fortune means "Good luck. Advancement. Opportunity... Rapid change," "A lucky break" and "Improving circumstances." I'm hoping this means there's a big change for my better in my environment, not just that there's a change of some sort that benefits the people around me, although of course I wish everyone around me the very best. As a situation/advice card, it says I am "entering a new cycle involving a fortunate set of circumstances that promise beneficial change and continuing progress" and that "Rapid changes offer new opportunities to improve your life... A chance circumstance may bring an end to past difficulties and herald a period of good fortune and success." It also says I (or my environment?) "may need to make an important decision that will influence the unfolding of events" and more stuff like that that seems to tie in very closely with my Self being Death right now.

The ninth card is "hopes, fears, and expectations," and is the Five of Wands. The first two of the three pip cards in this reading are both Wands, which is the suit of fire. The Five of Wands is "A Mock Battle," representing "An exciting challenge," echoing the conflict alluded to in the crossing card and possibly the crown card (the other Wand pip). Key words here include "Struggle. Rivalry. The need to prove oneself" (definitely that last one), "Success through formidable effort," "A conflict of interests," "Too many irons in the fire," and "The need to set priorities." So that's all a lot of fun. As a situation card, it discusses a "need to compete or face an exciting challenge" and advises me to "Avoid passivity at this time. Success will come as a result of your assertive efforts to overcome nuisance and obstacles." The card suggests that I am dealing with "contention and rivalry," or in this position, I guess that I fear that I am dealing with "contention and rivalry." It recommends that I "set priorities to avoid excessive stress" which I guess means I'm scrapping a lot of my nonessentials from my to-do list. This isn't really a predictor card, but it seems a fairly accurate summation of what I at least think is going on.

The tenth and final card is a sword card, which is usually not great! This one is the Eight of Swords pip, "Restriction," which represents "Feeling trapped" and is indeed not great, as I remember this card fairly well--it refers to basically having a mental block or working against your own interests, "An oppressive environment" and "Lack of empowerment." So whatever happens to me, it looks like the likely outcome is that I will still feel stuck and disempowered about it. It "represents fear, blockage, limitation and restriction that are often self-imposed" and says "You may be acting as your own worst enemy." So that's a shitty note to end on. It advises that I must "face your fears before you can make an important decision. With courage you can transcend your anxieties and resolve the problems that surround you." It also advises that I "seek wise counsel and heed sound advice," which I will certainly be doing my best to be doing.

I'm not sure this really makes me feel all that much better, but I do sort of feel like it gives me a better sense of direction, even though it probably didn't. It mostly just seems to reflect what I was already worried about. But it could be worse.
LinkI do believe in fairies

New Year's Resolutions [Jan. 1st, 2015|10:44 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
[Current Location |lower allston]
[Current Mood |productiveproductive]
[Current Music |roommate's dance party]

I don't appear to have written my 2014 ones down anywhere! But they involved the Goodreads challenged, which I passed (and extended--did 75!) and finishing my novel. I actually finished the draft of a different novel than the one I intended, but still, I finished a novel draft so it counts. I'm also gonna pretend that "faithfully keep budget spreadsheet for the entire year" was a resolution, because I think this is the first year I've managed to do that (I've done off-and-on budget spreadsheeting since college).

I think I also resolved to wear more side-braid, which I kinda blew. I did a couple side-braids, but not that often.

2015 resolutions will be:
1. Another Goodreads challenge (starting at 50 books). These will include at least 10 nonfiction books and at least 10 books by authors of color.
2. Write 10,000 words per month, for a total of 120,000 words for the year. Ack!
3. End the year at least $2500 ahead. This year I ended the year about $2200 ahead, so I think aiming for $2500 is a manageable increase. This includes the $100 that goes into savings every month, which is not a NY resolution but an ongoing practice (along with my monthly Roth IRA contribution and keeping the spreadsheet up-to-date) (apparently I am more fiscally responsible than I feel like I've been lately!).

Another thing that is not a New Year's resolution is my ongoing project to kick the weight I gained last winter, since that is, as was mentioned, an ongoing project, which I started in September. But I haven't given up.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Writing goals! [Jan. 1st, 2015|05:47 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
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One of my New Year's resolutions this year is to write 10,000 words per month.






The ideal breakdown here is one thousand words per day for the first ten days of every month, and the last twenty or so days off to outline, plan, revise, cogitate, or do other things entirely. We'll see how that goes.
LinkI do believe in fairies

2014's Annual Book Poll [Jan. 1st, 2015|11:53 am]
The Cynical Romantic
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It's that time again! I'm a day or so late on this, I suppose, but whatever. Starred books are rereads.

Poll #1994099 2014 Book Poll

Have you read any of these?

The Ocean at the End of the Lane - Niel Gaiman
8(3.4%)
The Technologists - Matthew Pearl
0(0.0%)
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead - Tom Stoppard
9(3.8%)
Juniper - Monica Furlong*
4(1.7%)
Throne of the Crescent Moon - Saladin Ahmed
4(1.7%)
The Trillion Dollar Meltdown: Easy Money, High Rollers, and the Great Credit Crash - Charles R. Morris
0(0.0%)
The Republic of Thieves - Scott Lynch
2(0.9%)
Ella Enchanted - Gail Carson Levine*
5(2.1%)
Changeless - Gail Carriger
3(1.3%)
Dealing with Dragons - Patricia C. Wrede*
7(3.0%)
The Westing Game - Ellen Raskin
7(3.0%)
Blameless - Gail Carriger
3(1.3%)
Searching for Dragons - Patricia C. Wrede
4(1.7%)
The Kingdom of Gods - N. K. Jemisin
4(1.7%)
Flaubert's Parrot - Julian Barnes
0(0.0%)
Shattered Pillars - Elizabeth Bear
1(0.4%)
Granuaile - Anne Chambers
1(0.4%)
Heartless - Gail Carriger
4(1.7%)
Calling on Dragons - Patricia C. Wrede*
5(2.1%)
Deep Secret - Diana Wynne Jones
7(3.0%)
Farewell, My Lovely - Raymond Chandler
3(1.3%)
Timeless - Gail Carriger
3(1.3%)
Doll Bones - Holly Black
0(0.0%)
The Catacombs of Paris - Gilles Thomas
0(0.0%)
The Colour of Magic - Terry Pratchett*
11(4.7%)
Terrier - Tamora Pierce*
1(0.4%)
Talking to Dragons - Patricia C. Wrede*
5(2.1%)
La Princesse de Cleves - Madame de Lafayette
1(0.4%)
Operation Mincemeat - Ben MacIntyre
1(0.4%)
Troubling Love - Elena Ferrante
0(0.0%)
The Light Fantastic - Terry Pratchett*
11(4.7%)
Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons*
6(2.6%)
All You Need Is Kill - Hiroshi Sakurazaka
1(0.4%)
Etiquette & Espionage - Gail Carriger
3(1.3%)
The Irish Quotation Book - Mainchin Seoighe, ed.
0(0.0%)
Curtsies & Conspiracies - Gail Carriger
3(1.3%)
The Red and the Black - Stendhal
4(1.7%)
The Coldest Girl in Coldtown - Holly Black*
2(0.9%)
New Girl on the Job - Hannah Seligson
0(0.0%)
Just Kids - Patti Smith
3(1.3%)
Ireland: A Terrible Beauty - Jill and Leon Uris
0(0.0%)
The Lady and her Monsters - Roseanne Montillo
0(0.0%)
Equal Rites - Terry Pratchett*
11(4.7%)
Blood and Chocolate - Annette Curtis Klaus
1(0.4%)
The Curious Case of the Werewolf that Wasn't, the Mummy that Was, and the Cat in the Jar - Gail Carriger
0(0.0%)
Dreams of Gods and Monsters - Laini Taylor
0(0.0%)
The Chicago Manual of Style, 15th Edition - University of Chicago Press
0(0.0%)
Bloodhound - Tamora Pierce*
1(0.4%)
Raising Steam - Terry Pratchett
4(1.7%)
Colman - Monica Furlong
2(0.9%)
The Graves Are Walking - John Kelly
0(0.0%)
Shades of Milk and Honey - Mary Robinette Kowal
6(2.6%)
Mort - Terry Pratchett*
10(4.3%)
Ireland Past and Present - Brendan Kennelly, ed.
0(0.0%)
Glamour in Glass - Mary Robinette Kowal
4(1.7%)
Wicked City - Alaya Dawn Johnson
1(0.4%)
Unspoken - Sarah Rees Brennan*
0(0.0%)
The City & the City - China Meiville
6(2.6%)
The Mortal Immortal - Mary Shelley
0(0.0%)
Untold - Sarah Rees Brennan*
0(0.0%)
Sourcery - Terry Pratchett*
9(3.8%)
Unmade - Sarah Rees Brennan
0(0.0%)
A Stranger in Olondria - Sofia Samatar
3(1.3%)
Grave Mercy - Robin LaFevers
0(0.0%)
Carmilla - J. Sheridan le Fanu
4(1.7%)
The Gods of Gotham - Lyndsay Faye
0(0.0%)
Mastiff - Tamora Pierce*
1(0.4%)
True Irish Ghost Stories - St. John D. Seymour and Harry L. Neligan, eds.
0(0.0%)
Waistcoats & Weaponry - Gail Carriger
1(0.4%)
Without a Summer - Mary Robinette Kowal
3(1.3%)
Coraline - Niel Gaiman
13(5.6%)
Wyrd Sisters - Terry Pratchett*
10(4.3%)
Theodosia and the Eyes of Horus - Robin LaFevers
0(0.0%)
Theodosia and the Last Pharaoh - Robin LaFevers
0(0.0%)
My Man Jeeves - P.G. Wodehouse
8(3.4%)


Plus I've read three unpublished manuscripts for BSpec.

In total, that's 75 books with 51 distinct authors, including 27 books by 22 distinct male authors, and 47 books by 28 distinct female authors. I am not counting the University of Chicago Press as either male or female, but books with both male and female listed authors have been counted in both categories.
LinkI do believe in fairies

(no subject) [Nov. 18th, 2014|10:27 pm]
The Cynical Romantic


Yee.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Rainy Saturday Celtic Cross [Oct. 11th, 2014|07:57 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
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It has been a while since I've done myself a proper Tarot reading! This is partly because I have been super busy with my family moving and a lot of stuff in general, including my new actual-full-time-not-a-contract real job that I am still somewhat terrified to speak of aloud in case I draw the attention of the Universe again. (Because that is a totally healthy way to react to good stuff happening.)

Anyway, today I was supposed to go to Faire, but it got cancelled due to rain, so I cleaned a bunch of stuff and did a reading, and later I will probably make oatcakes or something. And watch more Peaky Blinders. Peaky Blinders is everything I love about stupid gritty gangster shows. (Except the hair. The hair is terrible.) Anyway.

Today's deck is my comfortable old favorite, Nathalie Hertz' Vampire Tarot.


The first card, the Cover card, is the Four of Pentacles, Holding Tight. While in its upright position this card is labeled as representing "Upholding the status quo," the little book also explicitly states that "The Four of Disks represents financial security." It can represent either a form of miserliness--being "afraid to let go," "being too conservative or miserly because you fear taking a risk"--or it can represent "good business sense and a willingness to work hard," or, I suppose, both. I didn't ask a specific question for this reading, but this card turning up is making me think of something Dan said to me at Thirsty Thursday, especially since it is the Cover card ("the substance of the question," or, more specifically, "representing where the querent is at in regard to the question").

The Crossing card is the High Priestess, Major Arcana II. The Crossing card shows "conflicts, hang-ups, challenges. . . opportunities and resources." The High Priestess in her upright position represents "Intuitive awareness," and, like many of the female archetype Arcana, has a lot of meanings about hiddenness and the subconscious--"Mastery in the internal world," "Psychological insight," "Looking within." The ones that stick out to me here are "Past conditioning" and "Hidden influences." She appears "when you need to attend to your innermost feelings and listen to your inner voice," and "when you need to tap into your hidden potentials, psychological depths, or unseen talents to achieve success." The card suggests that "Past conditioning and early memories are affecting the current situation." They may well be.

Together, I think the micro-cross here shows that the essence of the question is about me psychologically adapting to my new work situation--the work bit is fine and I am hopefully more financially secure now (UNLESS I JUSTJINXED IT i need to calm down) but I need to figure out how to become more comfortable and integrate myself into the environment and not just be Obedient Work Robot since it is actually not an obedient-work-robot sort of place.

The third card, the Beneath card, is the Six of Swords, Leaving Your Troubles Behind. in its upright position meaning "Brighter days ahead." As a beneath card, which represents things in the past that are influencing the current situation, I think it means that I have already left behind the "period of strain, worry, and anxiety," but it is still affecting me? That would mesh fairly well with the "Past conditioning" from the Priestess card, possibly as an explanation for the "fear taking a risk" of the Cover card. The Six of Swords advises me that "This is a time to review past difficulties with an eye to assuring a better future," which I think I was doing a lot of over the summer, so either (a) I did it and it's informing what's going on now or (b) maybe I need to keep doing it?

The fourth card, the Behind card, is the Nine of Wands, Strength in Reserve. In its upright position it means "Stand your ground. Defense." The Behind card represents past events that are passing out of influence, suggesting that I will soon no longer need to be on the defensive, I guess? The Strength in Reserve card has key words like "Fortification. Guardine oneself. Protecting old wounds" and "Wariness." It suggests that "You have been hurt in the past and have therefore assumed a protective posture." Uh, possibly? Overall, though, this is a fairly hopeful card, suggesting that one's position is strong and the querent has the strength to overcome the challenge that they will face--hopefully, the "passing out of influence" placement of this card means that the challenge has passed or is passing away, not that my strength is declining. (Although it might be if I can't get my arse to the gym sometime this week. Last week was a bust.)

The fifth card, the Crown card, nearly made me laugh out loud--the Crown card is a potentiality card, and in this reading it was the Queen of Wands, Career Woman. In my old system, this card represented someone who, as with all the Queens, directed most of their energy to issues of emotion and intuition, perhaps someone who is concerned with people's emotional wellbeing and who evaluates questions based on how it is likely to make them or others feel, and who approaches these concerns in a passionate, ambitous, or possibly volatile manner. (Wands people think big.) In my little book, the Queen of Wands in her upright position represents "Balanced family and career interests," which is certainly a good thing to potentially happen. She is described as "A career-minded woman who can also be the life of the party." That is a good goal, I think. Key words include "Success of an enterprise" and "Independence of thought."

The sixth card, the Before card, is the Eight of Wands, Speed, in its upright position representing "Full speed ahead." You mean the past month and a half hasn't been full speed ahead already, cards?! It does say "A period of stagnation or delay is ending" and that "You are moving rapidly toward achieving your goals." It also says "Efforts to promote yourself succeed," so I should probably do some of those? Maybe it means I'll get some bloody writing done in the future. Or maybe stuff will pick up speed at work, since some of my projects have been slow lately.

Moving from the cross to the pillar, the seventh card, the Self card, is the Knight of Wands. There have been quite a lot of wands in this spread! The Knight of Wands, according to my old system, is a person concerned with earthly and material matters--perhaps domestic, perhaps financial--and who goes at it with a lot of drive. In other words, this person COULD be a money-grubbing asshole. I hope I am not being a money-grubbing asshole right now (if I were, would I not have more money?) but I have definitely been focusing on a lot of material and physical aspects of my life lately, like work and making the apartment functional and losing some weight, and I have probably been going at these with more ambition than sense. (This could be why I'm not getting as much done. I need to make myself more manageable plans.) My little book calls the Knight of Wands Escape from Difficulty, and in his upright position he represents "Change is in the air. Creative energy." When representing people, it can mean a number of things, including "Fun-loving people who have trouble committing themselves as they are given to many interests and distractions." Sounds like me.

The eighth card, the House card, represents the environment and the opinions of people around you. In this spread it is the World, Major Arcana XXI, the last of the Major Arcana, in its upright position representing "Reaching a natural conclusion." As a situation, it suggests that "All is well and success is at hand." Key words include "Change of job or residence" and "Fulfillment. Attainment. Culmination." So, I guess other people feel like I've accomplished something or have reached the end of some sort of journey.

The ninth card, the Hopes, Fears, and Expectations card, represents. . . well, my hopes, fears, and expectations. Interestingly, the Hopes card in this spread is the Fool, Major Arcana 0, the first of the Major Arcana, and representing "The beginning of a journey. A leap into the unknown." So others see me as at the end of a journey, but I see myself at the beginning of one. Although due to the cyclical nature of the Arcana, perhaps they are not really opposites after all--just looking in different directions. The Fool can represent "A new chance. A novel experience," and "Significant and unexpected circumstances." As a situation card, it "suggests the need to take a risk with childlike optimism and innocence" and advises that "you should remain open to new ideas." Perhaps more pertinently, in conjunction with some of the other cards that have cropped up, it advises that "You would be wise to leave the past behind and get on with starting something new." (It also advises that it may represent a literal trip somewhere, "especially if other travel cards appear in the spread," which apparently include "the World, Six of Swords, Eight of Wands, or Knight of Wands" OH HEY.)

The last card, the Final Outcome Card, is the Seven of Wands, Holding Firm, in its upright position representing "Holding your own. A position of advantage." Well, that answers my question about the Behind card. Key words for the Seven of Wands include "Maintaining your position. Having an advantage" and "Self-confidence. Assertion." As a situation card, it forewarns of some sort of coming conflict or argument (aahh!) but says "You have the advantage even if you don't realize it" and advises, "Do not give up the struggle." It promises that "Your hard work and thoughtfulness will pay off" and suggests being "especially observant." To which I say: Huh.

I think, overall, that I am going to continue to be busy, which is good, but supposedly I should be prepared and able to come out on top if I can stop being defensive and anxious and can be more awesome.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Daily Tarot, day 25 [Aug. 27th, 2014|11:03 am]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]
[Current Location |lower allston]
[Current Mood |crankycranky]
[Current Music |lovely breezes 'n' shit]

Today's card is from my vampire deck, because it may be the last daily Tarot that I can post for a bit. We're switching Internet providers, so our current Internet is going away today and the new Internet is being set up Monday.

In other news, there's only one more day of random strangers living in my house, this should be the last day that it is 11 am and I am still in my pajamas because somebody I've never met and have no idea who they are is in my shower. I hope they hurry up.



Today's card is the Three of Swords, Heartache, representing "Necessary cutting. A bleeding heart." Key words include "Loss. Woe" and "Turbulent emotions." The card also "sometimes represents a need for major surgery or dental treatment," which I hope is not the case--although I do finally have a doctor's appointment today and I'm fairly certain I'm in need of minor surgery. Perhaps this card only represents my impending separation from my beloved Internet? Or else something big and unpleasant is going to happen today. I'm also working on accepting that I'm never going to go home to the Candlewood house again, and I don't know when I'll again be in Madison. Or maybe the cards are just picking up on how irritable I was when I was shuffling, because I wanted to take a shower before doing my daily reading but I can't because I'm a wuss who reacts to batshit crazy assholes with confusion and withdrawal instead of putting them in their place and telling them that no, they can't have random strangers staying in my house breaking my shit and preventing me from showering.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Daily Tarot, day 24 [Aug. 26th, 2014|03:57 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]

One-card spread today.



Today's card is the Eight of Swords, Restriction, which represents "Feeling trapped." Man, and I've been so productive today too, although let's be real, not quite as productive as I'd hoped. This card says that "You are stuck in a rut of your own making," which may in fact be true. I have some thoughts about this, actually. The little book mentions that "If you can't see things clearly, this is a time to seek wise counsel and heed sound advice." Hrm.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Daily Tarot, day 23 [Aug. 25th, 2014|05:11 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]
[Current Location |lower allston]
[Current Mood |Productive]
[Current Music |"Blueprint for Armageddon, Part IV", Dan Carlin, Hardcore History (podcast)]

Today's daily card is back to the Scapini deck.



Today's card of the day is the Three of Cups, Celebration. Threes have been fairly prominent in my spreads since I started doing this not-quite-daily project. In its upright position, the Three of Cups represents "A time to rejoice. Having fun." I have been somewhat terrified of rejoicing, as I believe I mentioned yesterday, since I am afraid of tempting the universe to put me in my place (again). So this is a bit of a relief. Key words include "Hobbies. Things done for enjoyment" and "Good fortune." As a situation card, it says "There is something to celebrate; now is the time to have fun. . . Now is a time for celebration, but there is still work ahead." I don't doubt that, and am definitely keeping it in mind. 
LinkI do believe in fairies

Tarot, Day. . . 22 [Aug. 24th, 2014|05:30 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]
[Current Location |lower allston]
[Current Mood |Calming down]
[Current Music |"Finnegan's Wake," Irish trad., arr. Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem]

I'm just gonna pick up counting from the last post since I haven't done this in over a week. It's been a very eventful week, involving a lot of packing and a lot of interviews and my damn usually-reliable car breaking down again (second time it's broken down in a month and neither time did the shop even do me the favor of offering an oil change; I had to go get one yesterday!). But today I did all sorts of productive things, so it's time for a good proper Celtic Cross spread to make up for the time. Using my vampire deck, because it's time.


The first card, the Cover card, is today the Four of Pentacles. The cover card "reveals the substance of the question," essentially showing what the spread is about. The Four of Pentacles, Holding Tight, symbolizes "Maintaining the status quo." This seems like an odd choice of words for the symbolization because the key words include a lot of stuff like "Enrichment" and "Gain of money," and the Situation section of my book says straight out "The Four of Disks represents financial security." The card may be warning of being "too conservative" or "miserly" and that I "must learn to delegate rather than do everything yourself," which I suppose is possible. The book notes that "If your question was about finances, the Four of Pentacles assures security and material acquisition." I could certainly use some security about now. The spread as a whole also has four Pentacles in it, so it seems to be staying closely on topic with a focus on financial and material matters.

The second card, the Crossing card, is Major Arcana XI, Justice, symbolizing "Being judged. A fair outcome." This is one of those cards that is basically what it says on the tin--it can represent legal affairs, but more often it represents getting what you deserve and having to deliberate wisely to make decisions, that sort of thing. In its current position as the crossing card, it represents obstacles, opportunities, resources, and other factors modifying the question raised in the cover card. Together they create a "micro-cross" representing the essence of the spread. In this case, it seems to be revealing my central worry about whether or not I succeed at my new job--will I get what I deserve and will I deserve for it to go well? Hopefully, this micro-cross is indicating that if I am careful and diligent, I will get the stability I want.

The third card, the Beneath card, shows "past influences affecting the matter, past experiences, repetitive behavior, motivations, where the question comes from," etc. In this spread it is Major Arcana I, The Magician, representing "Mastery of special knowledge. Focused energy." Key words include "The cumulative result of disciplined training" and "Marketing yourself." As a situation card, it says "You are about to take advantage of the expertise you have gleaned from a period of disciplined training. . . . You are able to promote and market yourself to those who are interested in making use of your special skills and knowledge." Whether this refers to my editorial skills or my skill at getting interviews (which seems to have been pretty good this time around), I do not know, but it seems fairly on point. I have tried to "observe, experiment, remain adaptable, refine your skills, and learn about how to manipulate the world" this summer, so hopefully the placement of this card means I have managed to do so to some degree.

The fourth card, the Behind card, shows "influences that are just passing out of existence," and in this spread is the Two of Swords, Stalemate. This card symbolizes "A tense situation. An impasse" and since it is the behind card I hope that means the stalemate is over. MOVING ON.

The fifth card, the Crown card, shows "ideals, goals, option, intentions, avenues of development, possibilities, and opportunities." While that makes it sound like it would usually be a positive card, in this spread it shows up as Major Arcana XV, The Devil, who represents "Bondage. Self-imposed limitations." I suppose that's a warning, then. Key words include "The power of negative thinking. Finding it hard to let go" and "Unnecessary guilt. Heavy commitments. Confronting your personal demons. . . Excessive attachment to material goods." I guess it's warning me that I am at risk of getting too attached to job- and money-related things, which is possibly true. Apparently, when the Devil appears, it's time to "review your bondage to material goods, unbridled passions, harmful relationships, and financial security." I will certainly have to keep that in mind.

The sixth card, the Before card, "reveals forthcoming circumstances and influences coming into being in the near future," and in this spread is the Knight of Pentacles. Under the element system, this is the Earth aspect of Earth, occupied solidly with physical and material issues--for me, probably job, housing, finances, and physical health. All of those are going to go through some changes or need some meticulous sussing-out in the next few weeks.

Moving on from the Cross to the Pillar, the seventh card, the Self card, "symbolizes where you stand on the issue." In this spread, my Self is the Page of Pentacles, a card of fire and earth, representing someone taking a practical and materially-based approach to their grands passions. I. . . will have to think about that for a bit, actually. My little book characterizes the Page of Pentacles as Studiousness, representing "A small financial gain. Education." Key words include "Good news about money and finances" (!), "Slow and steady progress," and "Eagerness for learning." As a situation card, it claims "You may soon be presented with an opportunity to make money or engage in a new business venture. Be sure to do your homework so you can be in a position of advantage." Note to self: Do more research on content marketing. "You could become involved in some kind of research involving close attention to detail and lots of paperwork." Sounds like my life. "Education can benefit you at this time." Education can always benefit you, little book.

The eighth card, the House card, is about the querent's environment and the opinions of the people around them. The house card here is Major Arcana XVII, The Star, representing "Hope." This may literally refer to hope for an improved living situation in the coming week; it may also mean my Team Me is rooting for me; it may mean both. The Star indicates that "This is a good time to exert yourself because you can achieve your ideals." Overall, this card indicates that my environment is positive and optimistic.

The ninth card, the Hopes, Fears, and Expectations card, shows (obviously) one's hopes, fears, and expectations regarding the question at hand. This is our last Pentacles card for this spread, the Three of Pentacles, A Job Well Done, representing "Beneficial use of talents." This is extremely accurate, I think! Key word include "Early stages of accomplishment," "Employment" (yes that is a hope!), "Professional growth" (dear god yes that is a hope too), and "Competence. Sincere effort. High standards. Expertise. . . . Doing a job the right way." A lot of my anxiety revolves around my ability to meet my own standards, I think. Anyway, as a situation card it says "You will be rewarded for doing a competent job and making use of your skills, knowledge, and talents" and that "You will have an opportunity to earn money professionally for what you know." It also accurately points out that I "desire status, recognition, or approval from others, and you feel a sense of accomplishment for a job well done." I do miss that feeling.

The last card, the Final Outcome card, is here the Nine of Cups, The Wish Card, representing "Desires fulfilled." Another "exactly what it says on the tin" sort of card, its key words include "Enjoyment. Contentment. Pleasure. . . . Comforts, Health. Happiness. Plenty. . . . Financial well-being." It also includes "Smugness," but hey. The S&A commentary says "When the Nine of Cups appears, especially as an outcome card, you will get what you desire. This card promises material benefits and physical luxury." Huzzah! Now I just have to not get so attached to it that I turn into a soulless miser, as per my warning of The Devil. At any rate, I think this reading has calmed me down a little from the overweening paranoia I've been feeling since I got my offer letter on Thursday, and has restored a bit of my confidence, which is good. But just a bit; I don't want to get cocky or lazy--that'll bring the eye of the Universe back onto me, and I was hoping it had wandered off to fuck with somebody else for a little while.

Since I feel so much better, I should maybe get back to doing these daily.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Daily Tarot, day 21 [Aug. 15th, 2014|12:37 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]

One-card spread plus clarification card. Scapini until I can shuffle the deck without dropping any cards.



The card of the day was the Queen of Swords, Intelligent and Solitary, representing someone concerned with emotional matters and approaching them in a logical and intellectual manner. I drew her on Day 10 as well, so most of that commentary is the same here.

Since I wanted more information this time on what precisely sort of emotional situation I am possibly overanalyzing, I picked a clarification card, which turned out to be The Emperor, Major Arcana IV. Symbolizing "The father. Order. Control. Power," The Emperor is a sort of general kingly archetype card. It concerns "The structures of society. The order we impose upon the world." The card "shows you becoming your own person as you establish yourself in the world" and that "Now is the time to act responsibly and organize a structured, stable environment."

I have a lot of Thoughts on this but I'm going to keep them to myself at the moment. Instead, I'm going to go put pants on and go to lunch.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Daily Tarot, day 20 [Aug. 14th, 2014|04:02 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]

Wow, today is day 20 of my Daily Tarot already! And I have only missed. . . uh. . . three of them?

Today is just a one-card spread.



The Nine of Pentacles, Self-Reliance, symbolizing "Relying on oneself. Being self-sufficient." Key words for this card include "Self-mastery. Attainment. Gain. Desire for financial security." Yes to that last one, certainly. "Prosperity as a result of past efforts." I do hope so! In a situation, it "represents the desire for financial security and carries the promise of physical comfort and material benefits." Hopefully that's not just for today? Today is like that though, as I am home in NJ (for the last time!) and it is nice and quiet here. The little book is giving me advice that "When this card appears in a reading, we should review how we spend our solitary time." I probably should; I've been glued to the (terrible, terrible, constantly escalating) news all week and need to chill. Except my leisure reading book right now is on the Great Hunger in Ireland. It may be time to watch Hook and cry like I've been intending to do all week.

LinkI do believe in fairies

Tarot Day 18 and 19 [Aug. 13th, 2014|01:26 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]
[Current Location |lower allston]
[Current Mood |tiredtired]
[Current Music |city noises]

Day 18 there is no picture and I could not put a post up because Technological Difficulties. Boo, technology getting in the way of my old-timey occulty shit!

Yesterday's card was The Moon, which means "Deep instinctual forces. Self-deception." This card has both positive and negative interpretations, and I have no idea which ones are relevant here. Positive key words include "Intuition. Strong emotions. Secret truths" and "The creative potential of the unconscious mind." Negative key words include "Escapism. Confusion. Deception." It suggests that I am "entering a period of fluctuating moods and uncertainty during which you must confront unconscious forces in order to succeed." Well, I'm probably in a period of fluctuating moods and uncertainty, at any rate. It also says that "You can make good use of your creative talents" so I should probably get on that. It also points out that "You notice how ingrained patterns from the past are affecting your current behavior" which is sadly true. It advises me to "attend to your dreams, feelings, hunches, and intuitions now."

Today's spread is two cards:

Today's card is The Star, representing "Hope." This is actually fairly good for today--I've talked to a bunch of helpful people lately and gotten some good leads, my Team Me is being very much on Team Me, I get to go home tomorrow, I've done a bunch of helpful research and some soul-searching about what sorts of jobs I might actually like. Anyway, The Star's key words include "Luck. Tranquility. Optimism" and the little book says that it is "A very positive card." Much like the Moon, I am urged to "rely on  your intuition, inner wisdom, and guidance." It also says that "A desire response or result is on the way" and that "This is a good time to exert yourself because you can achieve your ideals."

I picked a clarification card, which turned out to be another Major Arcana--VI, The Lovers. This card symbolizes "Choice." While it can indicate "A romanting meeting. Sexuality. Attraction," other keywords include "A major choice. A decision. . . Being put to the test." As a situation card, it apparently "often appears when you are faced with a crucial life decision and much choose which path to follow." I feel like I'm already overthinking which jobs to apply to each day, and I don't know what other sort of choices I'm going to get to make today. Ah well, I suppose we'll have to wait and see.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Tarot Day 17 [Aug. 11th, 2014|11:32 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]
[Current Location |lower allston]
[Current Mood |tiredtired]
[Current Music |city noises]

Five card spread!

Still Scapini. I did a weird thing and did this spread without resetting the deck from the last spread, just as a whim.


Card 1, the Past card, is the Page of Coins, Studiousness, symbolizing "A small financial gain. Education." In my system, it refers to someone concerned with their grand passions and ambitions, approaching realizing them in a practical, concrete, material fashion (like. . . by studying). I'm pretty sure this card has shown up recently, and it represents a bunch of stuff that is exactly what it sounds like it would--diligence, apprenticeship, useful and practical information, patience, "Be sure to do your homework so you can be in a position of advantage." I think I've been doing a bit of homework lately.

Card 2, the Present card, is the Six of Cups, The Good Old Days, symbolizing "Nostalgia." This card generally means either that something from the past "is coming to fruition" or someone from the past is reentering your life. It can also mean "An old friend may bring news that leads to a job offer or a change of residence," which is what I'm hoping for, as today I got an email from an old Pearson buddy who works at a place where I recently applied for a job. I had been inspired to reach out to him after the last time the Six of Cups showed up, I think. Thanks, Tarot!

Card 3, the Hidden Influences card, is the Ten of Swords, An Irrevocable Ending, symbolizing "Stabbed in the back. The end of a cycle." As a situation, this indicates that "Your plans are not working out. You have reached the outer limits. A situation or relationship is coming to its irrevocable end" but apparently since this is hidden it's not one of the things I am fully cognizant of coming to and end. . . which seems like bad news, since I was fairly certain I was on top of all the things/people/situations screwing with me right now. Sigh.

Card 4, the Advice card, is here Major Arcana XI, Force. In most decks, eleven is Justice and Force is 8, but the Scapini deck is a bit odd. Anyway, the Force or Strength card symbolizes "Moral force," and as advice it says to "rely on inner strength, patience, and gentleness to solve your problems" and that "a tactful, diplomatic approach leads to success."

Card 5, the Likely Outcomes card, is the Eight of Swords, Restriction, symbolizing "Feeling trapped." I don't know if this means I am likely to wind up feeling trapped if I follow the advice to be strong and gentle, or if I will end up feeling trapped if I don't recognize the hidden influences (which seems likely because as Swords cards, those two cards seem related in this spread to me). It does say that "With courage you can transcend your anxieties and resolve the problems that surround you," but that isn't really an outcome, more advice. So it looks like even if I fix my current issues and achieve my goals of being gainfully employed again soon, I still will feel trapped and unsatisfied? That's disheartening, as I'm doing all the thinking and analyzing and networking and being careful specifically to minimize the changes that my next job will be as maddeningly deadening as the last one. Perhaps I am just not a happy worker. Sigh, again.

Overall I guess this spread is mixed. It starts off nice but ends up depressing, which is sort of the opposite of what I want to be happening. 
LinkI do believe in fairies

Daily Tarot, day 16 [Aug. 11th, 2014|11:12 am]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]

Day 15 didn't happen because I worked a ten-hour day. Day 16 happened yesterday but I didn't get around to posting it.

To make up for Day 15 not happening, I did a three-card spread yesterday. Still using the Scapini deck. For some reason, it makes me feel better lately.


 The past card in this spread is the King of Cups, representing someone concerned with emotional or intuitive matters and approaching them in a logical, rational (or rationalized), and intellectual (or intellectualized) way. Possibly this is me being overthinky about my personal inner workings and happiness? The cards have basically been telling me to think long and hard about this stuff for weeks now, so hopefully I'm just thinking, not overthinking. My book calls this card Wise Counsel and in its upright position represents "Compassion." Key words include "Assistance. . . . Respect. Trust. Consideration. Understanding" and as a situation says that either "A man of culture and understanding will listen to you and offer sound advice" or that I may be called upon to listen and offer advice to others. It also says that my father may "figure prominently in upcoming events," although since this is a past card, I don't know how relevant that is.

The present card is the Nine of Swords, The Nightmare Card, in its upright position representing "Despair." This is certainly a lot of what I have been feeling lately! I am pretty sure this card has come up quite recently, as well. In addition to pointing out that my "sleep may in fact be disturbed," which of course it is because I live with animals, of whom Annoying Cat is the least annoying, it points out that "Someone's spiteful behavior may be causing you pain," which, while I don't know if it's actively spiteful so much as usual American businessey douchiness, there is certainly a thing that I am mad and terrified about. The card assures me that my fears "are to a large extent unfounded," and that "the suffering you feel is an aftermath of previous difficult circumstances." It usually is when I have a complete angry freakout about something.

The spread ends on a happier note, with the Two of Cups, Mutuality, symbolizing "A happy union." This card apparently suggests that a dispute will be settled, or that I will find myself "deciding to enter into a contract or a binding agreement." Hopefully that means that either my UI appeal will be successful or that I will get a new job soon.

I'm so terrified and angry about so many things right now.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Daily Tarot, day 14 [Aug. 8th, 2014|10:11 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]
[Current Location |lower allston]
[Current Mood |somewhat self-loathing]
[Current Music |general city noises]

Ahaha. Ahahahahaha.

Today's spread is one card. Scapini deck, since I'm still trying to break that slippery bastard in.



The Seven of Wands Reversed. The Seven of Wands is Holding Firm, in its reversed position symbolizing "Feeling daunted." Take your pick about what. My finances. My ability to get a job I like and will not lose. Being surrounded by ridiculously high-powered lawyers and judges all day every day this week. I'm even feeling daunted about my ability to put together a decent outline for this ebook Stephen wants and this is the sort of stuff I'm good at. Daunted at the idea of applying to library jobs or emailing librarians I don't know. Anyway, the key terms for this card include "Feeling vulnerable or overwhelmed," "Retreat from confrontation," "Embarrassment. . . Uncertainty. Timidity. Shame" and "Fear of rejection." As advice, it is "An admonition to persist in pursuing your goals despite opposition" and warns that "If you give up now, you may miss a valuable opportunity." It asks "Are you afraid people will get angry with you if you assert yourself?" which yes, I am. For "People," which I've barely been looking at, it can represent "Those who let things happen," which I feel like I am. I suppose that is something I really need to change.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Almost-daily Tarot, day 13 [Aug. 7th, 2014|10:20 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]

Man, I totally spaced on Tarot  yesterday. I forgot how draining customer service work is.

Anyway, today is a three-card spread with my medieval Scapini deck, because I felt like it.



The first card, the Past card, shows "some significant aspect" of things leading up to the current situation. My past card in this spread was the Queen of Pentacles, Practical Manager, representing "A sensible approach." Have I been taking a sensible approach to things? I've been trying, although I'm not sure how well I'm succeeding. In my element system, the Queen of Pentacles, in addition to being my personality card, represents the earth approach to water, someone who deals with emotional issues in a practical and materially-oriented manner. This card promises that "A sensible, practical approach brings steady progress."

The second card, the Present card, "clarif[ies] your present state." In this case, it is the Knight of Pentacles, Slow, Steady Progress,, representing "Tangible progress." This feels like the opposite of what's going on today, but whatever. In my elemental system, this card is the root of earth--practical matters approached in a practical manner. As a situation card, this correctly guesses that "Chances are you consulted the cards about issues related to employment, property matters, or financial security" and assures me that "slow and steady progress assures success." Le sigh.

The third card, the immediate future card, is the Two of Swords, Stalemate, representing "A tense situation. An impasse." This feels more like the present to me, so I am bummed to hear it may continue into the immediate future. I would like to wake up tomorrow and have everything be entirely different, please! This also seems to contradict the progress promised in the last two cards, but maybe all together it just means that progress is happening but will continue to be slower and duller than I would like for a while. I suppose I will just have to live with that.
LinkI do believe in fairies

Daily Tarot, days 10 and 11 [Aug. 5th, 2014|08:49 pm]
The Cynical Romantic
[Tags|]
[Current Location |lower allston]
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]
[Current Music |blessed quiet for now]

Yesterday I drew one card, and it only needed one card.



Ladies and gentlemen and variations thereof, the Queen of Swords. The Queen of Swords represents someone concerned with emotional matters, but who takes a logical, rational, intellectual (or at least intellectualized) approach to them. This is following on a long trail of THINK HARD ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT spreads, in a variety of permutations. The little book calls this card Intelligent and Solitary, symbolizing "A woman alone" and "Head over heart." This woman embodies "Strong will. Sharp wit. Sarcasm. Autonomy. Ambition" and a bunch of other stone-cold-bitch related things. As a situation card, the book says that "This is a card of 'going it alone'" and warns me to "stand up for yourself and be clear about your wants and needs" which oh yes Jesus do I need to do that. It also says that I "have learned to be independent during periods of loneliness" which I think I have, and says that I am "far more interested in career and ambitions than in emotional matters" except the two are quite closely related, I think, but at any rate those are certainly my focus about now.

Today I also drew one card, but then I tempted fate and drew a second.



The first card was the Ace of Wands, the root of Fire, Rearing to Go, representing "New life." This is a card of beginnings, promising a new venture or enterprise or project of some sort, "Fresh ideas. . . . Inspiration. Innovation. Optimism" and "putting ambitions into action." The card suggests that "Something happens to stimulate your career. This is a time of initiation, invention, and creativity." That sounds pretty awesome!

What sort of new thing, I wondered? So I pulled a clarification card, which turned out to be the Two of Swords, Stalemate, representing "A tense situation. An impasse." For advice, this card warns that I "must confront issues directly" and "face what you really want or feel." Basically, I think this card is warning me that an exciting opportunity of some sort is going to come my way, but I will have to be decisive and take it.
LinkI do believe in fairies

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